John and Meredith both had family roots in the southeast. They first met at a college football game. She came from a prestigious family located in a small town, and he came from a big city and had a more urban upbringing. There was an instant attraction. They dated through the Fall and began to make plans for graduation and beyond. Meredith admired John’s ambition, as it reminded her of her beloved grandfather who had started their family business. She secretly hoped that John would go on to grow a successful business as her grandfather had. John had learned that money represented power in his family, and he wanted some of that for himself.

John would try and talk with Meredith about her family, but she would not listen to anything negative about her beloved family. John is bright and ambitious and decided to take matters into his own hands. He began to search Amazon for book recommendations about running family businesses and improving communications with his wife. After reading some books, he thought things were getting a bit better when communicating with Meredith, and he felt more competent in navigating the family business.

The breaking point came one afternoon when Meredith got on the family computer and saw John’s email inbox open. On one email, the subject line read, “Hey Johnny, last night was steamy hot, and I cannot wait for next week.” In an instant, Meredith’s world fell to pieces. She no longer knew which way was up. In a moment of crisis, she called a therapist for help. Then she sent John a message saying, “We need to talk, and I have scheduled an appointment to speak with a therapist on Thursday afternoon at 4 pm. You need to be there. M”

John and Meredith showed up Thursday afternoon at 4 pm to the therapist’s office. John’s face was anxious and sullen, while Meredith’s face was red from a few days of crying. Meredith revealed her secret: she had seen John’s email from a woman named Ashley about a “steamy hot night” and “next week’s meeting.”

Over the next few months, John and Meredith slowly began to address the built-up pain and resentment with each other. Some weeks were better than others, but they both knew in their souls that they were slowly becoming honest with themselves and each other.

Climbing Out of the Abyss

Over time, John came to see that his own father’s affair with another woman had left deep emotional pain that John was not able to acknowledge to himself previously. For the first time, Meredith learned about the long-lasting impact of John’s father’s affair.
In parallel, the damaging effects of alcoholism in Meredith’s wealthy family slowly became more apparent. Money could no longer hide the emotional distancing that had been happening as a result of the family business decline. There was a sense of shame the family felt about their failing business.

Meredith also had to confront the reality that she had been her grandfather’s favorite because he was able to look at her naked body well beyond what was appropriate. After each experience, he would take her shopping and tell her how beautiful she was. This cycle of abuse and rewards had existed for many years.